Brushing off burnout
Why it's ok to seek solace in self-care
As I sat in a painting studio last Thursday full of strangers, I couldn’t have been happier. I savoured the luxury of three hours of pure concentration without being called ‘mummy’ or being ordered to wipe a bum, make a unicorn, or turn a pair of pants the right way around. Just me, a canvas and my brushes… it was bliss.
As much as I love my four-year-old daughter, taking time out for myself is important. My wellbeing depends on it, especially after the last couple of years. There will be pitchfork parents who will be horrified I’ve even dared to write this, but I’m here to tell you that your kids won’t hate you for taking some time off from them.
Battling parental burnout
A 2021 study by Action for Children showed that 82% of UK parents had demonstrated at least one of the warning signs of parental burnout because of the pandemic. It also found that – shock horror! - parents of preschool-age children, and women in particular, were most affected.
We’ve all seen the quotes floating around on social media that ‘women are expected to work like they don’t have children and raise children as if they don’t work’. No wonder we feel the societal pressure to be able to do it all. But despite many of us feeling the gravity of this, research in 2022 shows 60% of parents don’t routinely do anything to relax and recharge. No wonder we’re exhausted.
More ‘me time’
This year I’ve made a conscious effort to try and do more things for myself. More art, more personal writing, more fitness. My daughter turning four was such a breakthrough for me. Having limped from the coalface of the early years - those all-encompassing ‘need you for everything’ years – this milestone was a glimmer of independence. Solo parenting bedtimes aren’t as daunting anymore, which makes it easier if my husband is abroad with work or I’m slinking off to a painting workshop or seeing some friends.
I’ve rearranged my daughter’s funded hours to give me Mondays to focus on writing (like this blog) and pitching some feature ideas to the media (still working on this!). An extra day gives her the warm-up for starting school in September, plus she’d much rather be with her little mates than running errands with me!
I don’t feel any guilt stepping away to do the things that ultimately make me a better mum and person to be around. If I’m buckling under the pressure of juggling work and life admin – that’s no good for anyone. I’m also not down with the whole ‘we only have 18 summers’ narrative - it’s damaging and unhelpful to assume every moment with your kids needs to be amazing. It’s just not reality.
But before you question if my oxytocin has completely run out (if that’s even a thing?!), I have dedicated each piece of my art to my daughter. Every colourful animal I paint goes up in her playroom and she takes pride in critiquing them. Thankfully the fournado feedback has been positive so far…
“That’s fancy mummy” and “Oh wow mummy that’s fantabulous”
She’s even been mentioned in everything I’ve written so far on this blog. So even though I need the break away from parenting, she’s never far from my subconscious.
Final thoughts…
The key takeaway from this blog, whether you're a parent or not, is to take some time for yourself without guilt. You don’t have to pick up a paintbrush, write a journal or even do anything at all. Take some time to rest – take a bath, take a nap, or book a massage. Creating brain space and calm will make you a better person/parent. I know it has done for me.
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Kat x