The true cost of love…
Beyond roses and romance
Valentine’s Day is around the corner, and romance fills the air. But let’s snap out of the marketer’s dream for a moment. Love is more than passion and lust - it’s complex. In my relationship, love has evolved since our vows in 2010. It used to be a card, a fancy meal, and a bouquet of roses. Now, the price of love involves so much more, especially as parents.
Parenting costs: financial and emotional
I admit that I was completely unprepared for becoming a parent despite the planned pregnancy. I hadn’t researched any of the financial implications and had no clue about the emotional toll.
I leaned heavily on my husband as I adjusted to £600 a month statutory maternity pay – a shock to the system after years of full-time working and earning quadruple that. But love showed up in open and honest conversations about ‘our’ bank account and the shared sleepless nights that tested our resilience.
Career sacrifices
I chatted with a friend on a recent playdate about plans to get back in the driving seat with my career this year. Our daughters are starting school in September, and it feels like a poignant milestone that offers new opportunities.
But we both agreed that we’d stepped back in our careers to bring up our children in those early years. We’d re-entered the job market part-time after a maternity leave marred by the pandemic. We’d sought part-time positions, all to keep our toes in the work water, even though being a mother is equivalent to 2.5 jobs according to studies.
I’d also restrained myself from going for jobs I’d have never hesitated at before. And I wasn’t alone. A recent study found that 80% of women and 76% of men said they would need to carefully consider their childcare options before accepting a promotion or starting a new job. The struggle is real.
Navigating relationship dynamics
Parenthood reshapes priorities within a relationship. We went from nights out to night feeds and from spontaneous weekends away to coordinating nursery pickups. But we adapted. We talked (and sometimes shouted). We shared the responsibilities and tried to find joy in the small moments – even if that was my husband clambering for his phone to take a photo, howling with laughter while my then 10-day-old puked down my back into my hand. It’s all about the small gestures – the hug in the kitchen, the cup of tea or simply tag-teaming when I’m at my wit’s end.
Friendships and social life
Love isn’t always about romance. It’s the other relationships we value and cherish. Since I joined my other friends with children, I appreciate the juggling act. Keeping friendships requires effort. I’ve sadly lost some friendships since my daughter arrived (that’s an entirely different blog) but I’ve been lucky to gain new ones through NCT and nursery. Finding people who can sit in the mud with you and drink wine is priceless.
Embracing imperfections
Being a parent reveals our vulnerabilities. But we make mistakes, lose our patience, and learn as we go. I’ve been trying to let go of perfectionism and acknowledge my personal growth since becoming a mum. I found that love fuels resilience. As parents, we bounce back from setbacks because of our love for our children – no matter what.
Love is more than grand gestures - it’s the everyday sacrifices, the sleepless nights, and the laughter (sometimes shared over sick). This Valentine’s Day let’s raise a glass to the true cost of love and the messy but beautiful journey that shapes our lives.
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Kat x