When did our children start choosing after-school club?
My return to full-time work...
I’m officially unemployed. Well, for today, at least. Tomorrow, I step back into full-time work for the first time in six years having been part-time for most of this, and my emotions are spinning like a washing machine on its final cycle.
I'm one of the lucky ones. I've had the privilege of spending these precious early years with my daughter, watching her grow from a tiny bundle into a confident schoolgirl who now actually requests more after-school club time. (When did that happen?) But as I face this change, I feel like I'm living in two time zones – my body racing forward while my heart struggles to catch up, like the delayed boom of a jet breaking the sound barrier.
The stats don’t lie
The statistics tell me I'm not alone in this struggle. In 2023, mothers in the UK earned £4.44 less per hour on average compared to fathers. Since 2020, that gap has widened by 93p per hour. We're literally paying the price for motherhood, and it's not just in emotional currency.
My head knows the logic. Edie's at school now, growing more independent by the day. The rational part of me understands that returning to work full-time is the sensible choice – for my career, for our family's future, for my own sense of identity. But then there's that guilt drum, beating loudly in my chest every time I think about missing those oddly timed 3pm school activities (seriously, who schedules these things?).
It's the eternal catch-22 of womanhood, isn't it? The choices we make as mothers seem to come with an invisible price tag that men rarely have to consider. Research shows that for university graduates, the losses in working experience after having their first child can explain up to two-thirds of the wage gap that develops by the time that child turns 20. We're damned if we do, damned if we don't:
No kids? "You're selfish."
One kid? "When's the next one coming?"
Two kids? "Trying for that elusive third boy/girl?"
Three kids? "You've got your hands full..."
When I shared the news of my new job with my daughter, her response was beautifully simple: "Ok mummy, go earn the pennies to buy me nice things." And you know what? In that moment, my heart settled a little. Because yes, it's about the pennies – but it's also about so much more. It's about showing her that mothers can be ambitious, that women can return to the workplace on their own terms, and that it's okay to choose yourself sometimes.
Growing pains
At the current rate of progress, we won't achieve pay parity between men and women until 2044. My daughter will be an adult by then. So, while I might feel like Kim K with my first full-time payslip in years, I know this decision isn't just about me or my family. It's about being part of a necessary change, even if that change comes with its share of growing pains.
Tomorrow, I'll walk into my new office. My heart might be a few steps behind, but it'll catch up. Because sometimes the best examples we can set for our children aren't in the moments we're physically present, but in the choices we make to build their future – one workday at a time.
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Kat x